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Picked up one of my cats from the vet, looks like I have a Xander to go with my Buffy.  Babes needs a Parrot!
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I've been doing a great deal of thinking (and meandering) re: gabrielleabelle's post on the feminization of love...  These are thinky thoughts and have been all over the place, from RL to Buffy and back.  It is much to long to post in her journal: that was also just the jumping off point.  I would propose, first off, that the feminization of love is more an outgrowth of consumerism than anything.  The need for communication and ackowledgement of feeling can and is relentlessly marketed too.  As is the desire for sex.  Women have been showing love thru action for.....forever.  They are called chores.  The cooking, grocery shopping, cleaning, caretaking.  Forever.  I'm not sure these have become androgynous.  I'm not sure these are even acknowledged as 'love in action' by the recipients.  I would say for a majority of women they get to do all of that and work.  So, love in action is a skewed value.
The example given was of a man washing the woman's car.  And I would say, with years of experience, "Stop doing what is easy for you and do something that would mean something to me".  That, more truly, is love in action.  Paying enough attention to your SO/Partner/whatever to know what that is would be is a great gift.
And here's the Buffy part:  washing the car?  That's Riley blowing up the nest of vampires in "Fool for Love".  "Till the end of the world, even if that's tonight"?  O yeah, that's something that means something to me.  The motivations for actions can be open for interpretation-  Spike, whatever his issues at the end, didn't believe her in "Chosen".  I don't think that is the gender bender  lesson Joss meant for (some of) us to walk away with.  There is a lot of action on Buffy's part re: Spike.  But nothing she's not doing for other people too.  She allows him to comfort her, give her strength.  It might be my age and history but that is a very male paradigm.

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